Monday, January 13, 2014

Rocknowledgy Episode 41 is up and ready fer download brotha!!!

 Alahoyus everyone in the world! Hope 2014 is going well for ya! We're already behind, but don't give a shit! So this is Decembers' episode and we'll try to knock another out this month as well. Playing a new game this year called STUMP T-6000! You can just write in to valientthorratgmaildotcom or call us at 850 583 6871 and leave her a question. We'll answer as many as we can next episode. She's good at most stuff. Except math. Don't send math questions. Anyway, tons of jams on this week, check em out and crank em up!!!

Listen directly here:


Episode 41 playlist:
 Intro by T-6000,
 Judas Priest- Better By You, Better Than Me,
 Frank Zappa- Florentine Pogen,
 George Jones- If I Don't Love You (Grits Ain't Groceries),
 ZZ Top- Ko Ko Blue,
 David Bowie- The Supermen (alt),
 Creta Bourzia- We're Quitting Tomorrow,
 The Everly Brothers- Man With Money,
 Bowl Ethereal- Twenty Three Exciter Dreams,
 Bauhaus- In Fear Of Dub,
 Status Quo- Backwater,
 D.R.I.- You Say I'm Scum,
 My Dad Is Dead- Fireball,
 Skeletonwitch- I Am Of Death,
 Adolescents- Rip It Up,
 Dogs- Death Lane,
 The Dictators- Exposed,
 Hawkwind- Lost Johnny,
 Misfits- Some Kinda Hate,
 Mooney Suzuki- I Say I Love You,
 Outro- T-6000,
 Europe- Danger On The Track

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: Condorman (1981)

"Have you seen this report on this Condorman? On this man Wilkins? He is an AMATEUR, do you hear? He is NOT an agent of the CIA! He is a WRITER OF COMIC BOOKS!" - Krokov

"I'll bring the dip, if you bring the dostoevsky." - Woody Wilkins

"Do me a favor, will ya Woody? Get on the train, order a stiff drink, stay out of trouble?" - Harry Oslo

I remember being completely amazed by this movie as a kid. I still think that the design of his costume and his car and his boat is some of the most amazing styled out super getups I've ever seen, and believe me, I've spent WAAAAY too much money on comic books to not know about super hero getups. The colors and the design are completely amazing. This is the story of Woody Wilkins, a comic book dreamer, who becomes a hero. Starring almost no one you'd probably recognize, but nonetheless Oliver Reed and James Hampton were in a ton of stuff, one of the few Disney movies that I feel fits outside the "Disney" brand (alongside WATCHER IN THE WOODS and ESCAPE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN), I present CONDORMAN!!!

Condorman is the story of Woody, a comic book artist who believes in the realism of his character SO much, that he won't allow him to do anything in the comic book that he cannot do in real life. He believes and stands by that so much, that he built his own set of wings in the beginning of the flick and tests them out by jumping off of the Eiffel Tower. However one of his wings breaks and he ends up falling into the Seine River. Now Woody is friends with this dude Harry who works for the CIA. After fishing Woody out of the river, Harry ends up asking Woody for a favor.

The CIA needs someone other than an agent to do some kind of handoff with another agent in Russia. So Harry enlists Woody to do it after some haranguing. Woody ends up being super excited about the idea and is warned by Harry to knock it off with the Bogart routine. Anyway Woody meets up with the Russia spy who is this hot chick named Natalia. We find out she actually works for the KGB. Woody pretends to actually work for the CIA and says his code name is Condorman. He basically "NAKED GUN"'s his way through a bungled hand off and foils some counter intelligence spy's attempt to kill them. Natalia is impressed and over living in Russia with her shitty boyfriend/bad guy and decides to defect to the US. Her only qualm is that she wants agent "Condorman" to help her do it.

So the Feds are like, Harry, who the hell is Condorman? And he has to figure out how to get the job done and keep Woody from getting killed. But Woody will only agree to do it if the Feds will fund some Condorman style toys fo him such as the Condormobile and the Condorboat. It's ludicrous to think that the Feds would actually spend this kind of money to secure the safe passage of a known enemy spy, but then again, thinking about how much money just a regular old lobbyist in DC makes, maybe its not so ludicrous. So Woody does some rescuing and they travel from Yugoslavia to Italy, to Switzerland (which sounds crazy, but I've ridden those roads in the Alps, and it really is just like passing through states in the mountains. High, beautiful mountains) and then on their way to France to finally return home, they encounter trouble. A real one-eyed bad guy named Morovitch kidnaps Natalia and takes her to Monte Carlo where her bad guy boss/bf Krokov. Woody and Harry are supposed to go home, but Woody makes a last ditch effort to save Natalia.

I don't know if its PC or not these days to dress up like Arab sheiks, but in the 80s they did it all the time (CANNONBALL RUN II, CLASH videos). Anyway that's how Woody sneaks into the Monte Carlo casino and proceeds with his plan to rescue his girl. Twenty more minutes of speed boat chases later and they're snacking on chili dogs at a Dodgers game and Harry's bosses are asking if Condorman might be interested in another assignment. Was there to be a sequel? Maybe, but perhaps we'll never know, because they sure as hell never made it. And you'd be hard pressed to find anyone under 30 who's even heard of this movie. I think it MIGHT be on DVD now. Yep, I looked it up. You're all in luck. Find it. And watch it.

Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: The Running Man (1987)

"Uplink underground, uplink underground. If you say that one more time, I'll uplink your ass, and you'll be underground!" - Ben Richards

"...Later, she cheated on College exams. Then she had sexual relations with three, sometimes even four men within a single year. Then came Mad Dog Ben Richards, her *Confederate*, her LOVER!" - Announcer

"I live to see you eat that contract, but I hope you leave enough room for my fist because I'm going to ram it into your stomach and break your god-damn spine!" - Ben Richards

so its 2014... supposedly in 3 years (2017) shit is gonna be wild as hell. Reality television will be even crazier than it is already. Criminals will compete in games to not be murdered by super villain psychopaths. The plot is pretty similar to the much newer movies THE HUNGER GAMES and BATTLE ROYALE but based on an old story by Steven King. Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jesse "the Body" Ventura, Yaphet Kotto, Mick Fleetwood, Jim Brown, Dweezil Zappa, and Richard Dawson, I present to you THE RUNNING MAN!!!

So, in the future we have a police state scenario and convicted criminals are televised on game shows for a chance at freedom. I guess that's why they chose Richard Dawson since he had already sent so many people to their deaths on Family Feud all those years ago. Anyway, the show and the people who run it are shady as hell, making up a lot of the shit that they tell about the contestants. They'll do or say anything for ratings. Not really so far off from what we have today anyway right? I could conceivably see this all going down in a few years.

So Arnold is a cop who refuses to shoot a bunch of innocent civilians who are rioting over food. So his pig employers throw him in a sort of concentration camp. He escapes with Yaphet Kotto and a nerd hacker kid. He's asked to join a resistance movement to overthrow the networks, but all he wants to do is get outta the country. He hightails it to his brothers house and finds this hot chick living there. He kidnaps her and tries to split to Hawaii, but she rats him out at the airport and they throw his ass back over to the networks. Dawson is impressed by how ruthless he is, so he asks him if he'll participate in the game show. If he refuses they'll use Kotto and the nerd. So Arnold says ok, only to find out they used his buds anyway. They also took the video from inside his helicopter and chopped it up to make it look like he DID kill all the innocent people. So he's pissed. Now they get sent down this crazy bobsled and attempt to avoid the first "stalker" Sub-Zero. Arnold kills him with barbwire, and the audience can't believe it because no one in the history of the show has ever killed a stalker.

It just so happens that the chick that got him captured works for the networks. She sees a video and realizes its fake and does some snooping around. She sees that Arnold is innocent but she gets captured and then they make her a contestant as well. So they're all thrown in the game and a bunch of stalkers come out to get them. They are trying to get some codes so they can broadcast over the airwaves and tell the audience that they're all a bunch of sheep. Buzzsaw comes after them, but Arnold kills him with a chainsaw. Then this one dude Dynamo looks like one of the Nasty Boys from WWF only with christmas tree lights on his body and he sings opera. He electrocutes the nerd but Arnold flips his rig (which is sweet by the way), BUT THEN DOESN'T KILL HIM BECAUSE HE DOESN'T KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE. BAM!! Audiences mind is blown again!

So ******************SPOILER WARNING****************after killing the remaining stalkers and having the last one bail, and finding out that the "winners" from the previous years were just killed anyway, Arnold and the chick are kidnapped by the resistance. Dawson fakes their deaths and convinces the audience that "Captain Freedom" killed them in a photoshopped video. Arnold and the chick give the resistance the codes and they storm over to the studio and take it over showing the audience footage clearing Arnold's name, and then footage of the dead winners. Then Arnold storms in (everyone freaks cause they thought he was dead) and then he straps Dawson to the bobsled and sends him off to his fate (which I'll let you find out for yourself). Should you see this? Of course, this is one of those classic 80s action flicks. Do it.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: Men at Work (1990)

"There are several sacred things in this world that you don't *ever* mess with. One of them happens to be another man's fries. Now, you remember that, and you will live a long and healthy life." - Louis

"It allows me to seriously aggravate a situation without actually changing the course of history. It also stings like a bitch." - Carl

"Pizza Cong comes with us. Get him on his feet, I'll get Tricky Dick." - Louis

This is a classic. Sure its a brother movie and sure one of these dudes is a total and complete maniac, and sure the other made a ton of classics and then completely disappeared, but none of that takes away from a movie about two garbagemen who want nothing more than to open a surf shop someday. But if they don't figure out what to do after getting themselves into their biggest jam yet, they may wind up surfing their way into jail. I tried to sound like I was the guy who was reading the card for 80s trailers just now. "surfing their way... into JAIL." Emilio Estevez, Charlie Sheen, and Chainsaw from SUMMER SCHOOL as "Pizza Man" in MEN AT WORK!!!

So this one begins with our two heroes, Carl and James, two garbagemen with big dreams of getting out of the garbage racket by next year. They hate their jobs and don't really take it very seriously. I gather this by the way they throw the garbage cans everywhere. Their boss busts their chops for it, but its "cop movie sergeant" laughable. A secondary storyline where some businessman is after a local politician is happening as well. There are 2 local cops who dislike our boys as well as 2 reggae dipshit competing garbagemen who are out to embarrass our boys as well.

One night Carl is spying on his hot neighbor and see who he thinks is her boyfriend beating on her. Its her boss and its a misunderstanding but anyway, Carl shoots him in the ass with a pellet gun. This is the local politician. He gets iced that night unbeknownst to the boys by some thugs working for the scummy local businessman. The boys come back from the weekend of trashing cans and their boss sends his crazy vietnam vet brother'in'law (?)(I think) to accompany and evaluate them. The boys try their best to keep him off their backs to little avail. Suddenly they come across the body of the dude that Carl shot with the pellet gun and think that he's dead because of them. Instead of going to the cops, they keep the body (WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S style) and take it around with them until they can figure out what to do with it.

So they decide to investigate by sending Carl over to meet the lady. He poses as a neighbor and becomes romantically involved with him. They find out she has a tape that the goons were supposed to get from the politician. That means they'll be back. Louis (the vet) and James order a pizza while waiting and when he thinks the pizza man sees too much, Louis kidnaps him. So now James, Louis, the pizza man, and the stiff end up following the girl and Carl and trying to get away from the goons. The girl and Carl are stuffed in toxic waste cans (which is what the whole movie ends up being about in the first place- this businessman's toxic waste) and the other crew gets pulled by the bike cops. Louis pulls the pellet gun on them and ties them in their underwear together on a playground.

So now its up to Carl and James to rescue the girl, rescue them all once they're caught, and clear their names, all the while dodging more cops, goons, and coworkers who rig up lockers that spray shit all over you. I'm into this movie. It's dumb, but its pretty great. Maybe I like it because I watched it back when it came out. I don't know. I have a lot of fond memories of having cable with HBO and The Movie Channel in my room when I was a kid. Should you see it? Its not essential, but if you like reggae soundtracks and funny dude type flicks, you'll dig it.